Bored Out of My Mind Rifling Through Netflix’s Trash Cans

My name is Joan Summers and I am still bored out of my mind. Thankfully, I’ve broken into Netflix HQ and am now rifling through their trash cans. Lots of interesting stuff in these things, like the press packages they didn’t send Molly Ringwald for her birthday, and what appears to be Millie Bobby Brown’s burner phone. Let’s see what it says!

Oh, oh no. No, I couldn’t possibly write that out.

Never mind. Tinseltown is busy as usual, and I’ve found plenty other trash cans to pick through. Let’s see what else we can find, while bored out of our minds together.

I do have to address the elephant in the room, and that is the Bottega Louie gift box Netflix sent star actress Molly Ringwald for her birthday. It includes a reusable Bottega Louie cup, some coffee, a tea mix, mini luxury marshmallows, and some Colombia blend coffee. I went hunting for the prices to these items, but only found a broken product listing page. That’s neat!

I’m more interested in the card stock they chose for the Happy Birthday message. What is it made out of? One-ply toilet paper? I guess they spent all their money on the streaming rights to Riverdale season six, and had to siphon the funds from their gift budget.

Let’s touch briefly on my personal favorite topic, and that’s Pampered By Porsha, the “luxury” bedding company founded by Real Housewives of Atlanta star Porsha. In her latest ad for the booming business, she can be seen eating chips in bed, and using her phone as a remote control.

Yes yes, I understand that one can control their Apple TV with the appropriate Apple cellular devices, but that’s clearly not what’s happening here. Clock the acrylic nail! Hot girls know our clickedy-clacks don’t work on iPhone screens.

Luxurious enough to pay for Instagram ads, but not luxurious enough to spring for a proper set dresser.

Pause, and wave at Roxxxy Andrews. The people’s princess can be seen here in Ivy Park, looking squeaky and moist, as one should be.
OpenSea must now contend with a new shark in the waters: Audrina Patridge! Inspired by the dumbest people in Hollywood, The Hills star announced the purchase of her “first” NFT, from Boss Beauties. In her post above, she claims it was an act of girlbossery, and I’m inclined to believe her.
Here’s the Countess promoting National Drink Wine Day with her original non-alcoholic sparkling beverage, Fose.
My sleep paralysis demons would also like a brief word.
Kate Beckinsale rode a horse. In fact, she spared the cowboy, and rode the horse instead. That’s so charitable!
Aspiring pediatric nurse Raquel Leviss also made strides in her career pivot this week, seen here posing in pink, the nationally recognized color of pediatric nurses.

Her entire transformation from Instagram model and reality television star to Instagram model and pediatric nurse is genuinely incredible. Not even her co-stars on Vanderpump Rules have achieved can compare to her accomplishments. Jax is still not a NFL hockey commentator, and nobody bought Tom Sandoval’s cocktail book. Those were the two main guys of the group!

We no longer have to ponder the inner lives of the TikTok glitterati, as Addison Rae exists, and is living her life out loud and proud. In the carousel above, she can be seen dipping her fingers into the smouldering wax of a fancy restaurant’s candles, an activity children also do when in the vicinity of a candle.
And lastly, an update from Madonna, who would like everyone to know she is still working on that movie about herself.

Good night, and good luck!

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